Seasons Beatings!

Simista · Post by **Simista** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 4:40 pm

Hellloooo! Sim here!

Back again with a Christmassy themed competition for you all! Yes it really is that time of year again, bloody hell! And although some may grumble and moan in a bah! Humbuggery way at the mere mention of Christmas I think it’s a perfect opportunity to “Carmageddonify” Christmas! :D

This idea came to me after I found myself remastering a classic Christmas carol for fun. Here’s my effort…

Spoiler:

So for this competition, I want you to remaster your very own Christmas carol (can also be a jingle or Christmas song, Number 1 etc.) inspired by Carmageddon!

Prize

First prize is a Carmageddon: Reincarnation poster signed by team members and any t-shirt from our store. Two runners up will also receive a t-shirt of their choice.

How to Enter & Rules

To enter the competition post your entry here in this thread.

Competition starts Monday 10th December and closes on 3rd January 2013.

Winners will be determined and contacted on the 7th January 2013.

Only ONE entry per person allowed, so be sure to have a good think and present us with only your bestest ideas!

Look forward to seeing the entries!

Sim xxx

Jimothey · Post by **Jimothey** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:32 pm

Dashing through the streets

With a ped stuck to my screen

Over another we go

laughing all the way.

I see a power up

handbrake turn through crowd

Pick up a solid granite car

and waste another opponent.

Splats and guts

Splats and guts

Gory all the way

Oh what fun it is to try

and waste the Suppressor tonight.

Bartjaah · Post by **Bartjaah** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 6:27 pm

Have a bloody, bloody Christmas

It's the best time of the year

I don't know if there'll be guts

All pedestrians will fear

Have a bloody, bloody Christmas

And when you walk through BeaverCity

Say goodbye to friends you know

and everyone you kill

Bartjaah · Post by **Bartjaah** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 6:32 pm

Dashing through the blood

In an Eagle on it's way

Over pedestrians we go,

Laughing all the way

Or only checkpoint chasing

Or having a head-on-head fight

What fun it is to laugh and race

or playing Carma all night

v85rawdeal · Post by **v85rawdeal** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 7:10 pm

To the tune of Once in Royal David's City

Once in a small island city,

Worked a bunch of crazy folk,

Leader was a man named Nobby,

Who seemed like a charming bloke:

Behind the wheel, he did change,

Into someone very strange.

He turned the key and hit the pedal,

And revved the engine nice and loud,

He aimed his car at the shoppers,

They ended up looking freshly plowed

He drove his car at some stoners,

And earned a cunning stunt bonus.

Over the hill the cows were grazin';

A chance to do some real hurtin'

He gunned the engine, tires were blazin',

And turned them into a massive beef curtain;

10,000 points or more were scored,

When all this cattle ended up gored.

His headlights seek out the next target,

Looking for someone else to claim;

Be it human, or be it pet,

They're just a stepping stone to fame

Wait a minute he's coming my way,

I'm going to have to run aw......................

spacebug · Post by **spacebug** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 7:20 pm

Come they told me, brrrm rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm brrrmmm!

A new game to see, brrrm rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm brrrmmm!

Our wallets we bring, brrrm rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm brrrmmm!

To kickstart the thing, brrrm rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm brrrmmm!

Brrmrrrmrrrmrrrm, brrrrmrrrmrrrmrrrrrrm!

So we rev our cars, brrrm rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm brrrmmm!

Here we come!

Stainless I'm in the poo, brrrm rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm brrrmmm!

I'm a poor student too, brrrm rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm brrrmmm!

I've not much cash to back, brrrm rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm brrrmmm!

The fitting funds I lack, brrrm rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm brrrmmm!

I'll rev my car for you, brrrm rrrrm rrrrm rrrrm brrrmmm!

Hear it thrum!

Espyo · Post by **Espyo** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 8:51 pm

Bartjaah, you have to pick one of them. The rules say one entry per person. Just edit the post on the one you want to be removed, and write something like "(Remove please)", and a mod will take care of that quickly.

I'll post mine real soon; hope you don't mind if it's loosely based on yours, Sim. At least the base music is the same.

Jordamn · Post by **Jordamn** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:33 pm

Running down in school zones

Listening to the sound of broken bones

Stop your Eagle now!!

But she didn't want to slow down

Did a great figure of hate

In the middle of the interstate

She'll dismember our legs

She always gets into wrecks

She's the self-crowned queen

of the race scene

You just mangled another grandma at the mall

watching Stella Stunna drives his car head on into a wall

You're mad and twisted like Helga Shwein

because of your damaged brain

She drives like crazy

Her car's a bloody mess

She drives like crazy

She's got a christmas death list I guess

She's a demon

Behind the wheel

Thinks she's drivin'

The BatmadMobile

SeaOfInsanity · Post by **SeaOfInsanity** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 12:13 am

I'm dreaming of a red Christmas

Just like the ones I used to race

Where the people panic

As I go manic

Grinding victims in the face

I'm dreaming of a red Christmas

With every racer that I waste

May your pain bring me some time

So that I can finish this with haste

lemonrev · Post by **lemonrev** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 10:55 am

only one, hm, dang cant decide to do a song or a 12 days of chrismass thing lol i think ill stick to the 12 days thing lol..

on the first day day of xmas my god gave on to me a game of carnage all maime and blood.

on the second day of xmas my god gave on to me some streets full of blood

on the thrid day of xmas my god gave on to me rivers runnning wild

on the forth day of xmas my god gave on to me some enemys to kill

on the fifth day of xmas my god gave on to me beaches to enjoy

on the sixth day of xmas my god gave on to me some mines to have my fun

on the seventh day of xmas my god gave on to me ramps to leap and bound

on the eighth day of xmas my god gave on to me a motorised screw and a new vehicle

on the ninth day of xmas my god gave on to me almost every car there was to play

on the tenth day of xmas my god gave on to me all races won

on the eleveth day of xmas my god gave on to me a bottle of champagne

on the twelfth day of xmas my god gave on to me a place in one hot hell laughing all the way.

i hope that was good lol.

jwb1971 · Post by **jwb1971** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 3:36 pm

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Giblets

It's beginning to look a lot like giblets

Everywhere I go

Take a look at them all again

A crowd of women and men

With dismembered limbs and pools of blood that flow

It's beginning to look a lot like giblets

Skidding to and fro

Cunning stunts I do make

Leaving carnage in my wake

When the flag man says Go!

It's beginning to look a lot like giblets

Shifting from 3 to 4

And the final sight you'll see

Is the car driven by me

Smearing you on the floor!

YautjaLord · Post by **YautjaLord** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 3:51 pm

Jingle bell Jingle bell guts & gore all the way

What a ride this fuckin' Squad Car, what else can i say?

Plowing through the peds & cars, any given day

Holy shit is that Suppressor? Gotta nail it! Yay!

First time it rammed me, but i'm quick to react

Got the APO @ Cheat level, now that's some heavy fact

Head-on scored me lots & i mean LOTS of cash

Five more ramms like that & the fucker gets smashed!!!!

Jingle bell jingle bell what else can i say?

That Suppressor is some heavy motherfucker yay,

Peds, cars, cops & other stuff won't live past this day

WTFZOMGBBQ Jingle that stuff, hail!!!!!

*And now heavy guitar riff like that of Dimebag Darrel*

All! Hail! Heavy Metal & Carmageddon! Hail! \m/ \m/ \m/ Or something. lol

*ends in guitar solo like that of Darrel, as well.*

B.A. · Post by **B.A.** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 6:58 pm

Mariah Carey - All I want for christmas... edited :)

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There's just one thing I need

I don't care about the pedestrians

Underneath my car to be

I don't need to crash my stock car

There upon the wastedplace

Santa Carma won't make me happy

With a kill on Christmas day

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is Moo!

(cowbells ringing)

I won't ask for much this Christmas

I don't even wish for pee

I'm just gonna keep on waiting

Underneath my chassis to be

I won't make a list and send it

To the North Pole for Mad Max

I won't even stay awake to

Hear those magic cows click

'Cause I just want you here tonight

Hitting on to me so hard

What more can I do

Baby all I want for Christmas is Moo!

(them cowbells again)

Espyo · Post by **Espyo** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 8:45 pm

I wanted mine to be smart!

On the 12th day of Carmas Stainless gave to me:

12 letters for APO

F11 to win dosh

10 wasted statuses

9 stealworthy cars

8x speed from Hot Rod

700MB for GOG

6 cops in Slaughter City

5:00 for Outbreeeeak!

4 laps on Chiller

3 different dares
~~Year 2K for a bad game~~ Err... Q2 for a great game

And 1 rank for Beef Curtaiiiiins!

spacebug · Post by **spacebug** » Wed Dec 12, 2012 8:04 am

jwb1971 wrote:It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Giblets

Nice one!

guido · Post by **guido** » Wed Dec 12, 2012 12:55 pm

carma bells

carma bells

carma all the way

splat

Ohnhai · Post by **Ohnhai** » Wed Dec 12, 2012 2:16 pm

I was in the War!

to 'When a child is Born' by Johnny Mathis (with all apropriate apologies)

-----------------------------------

You see a Dear, and old and shrivelled frail

You drop the clutch and leave a burning trail

Bouncing of the hood, raising up your score

You hear her cry "I was in the war!"

A life well lived, doing what she can

With Zimmer frame and Basket well in hand

Her carefree youth left to days-of-yore

You have no doubt that she was in the war

The carnage rains all around her now

Peds run in vain, there goes another cow!

A seething mess of steaming guts and gore

She's used to this, 'cause she was in the war

[spoken cheesy bollox}

With keys in hand the Morris springs to life

Panelled. Red. And armoured to cause strife

She's revving hard, and of this certain sure

"I'll get revenge. I was in the war!"

-------------------------------------

and if you are brave enough there is a sung version here

Ohnhai · Post by **Ohnhai** » Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:31 pm

BTW... im not in the comp...... Just wanted to join in the fun :D

Ohnhai · Post by **Ohnhai** » Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:56 pm

BTW... im not in the comp...... Just wanted to join in the fun :D

lemonrev · Post by **lemonrev** » Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:59 pm

double post ohnhai listing to your song now, good music too :P

stygimoloch · Post by **stygimoloch** » Wed Dec 12, 2012 10:15 pm

A duet between Max and Anna, with their take on one of my all-time favourite songs.

(Since I've already won one of these things I don't mind bowing out of the competition, I too just wanted to join in the fun!)

Fairytale of Bleak City

Got fifty litres, babe

In my fuel tank

An old man said to me

"I was in the war"

And then he turned and ran

Away from my headlights

I opened my throttle up

And screamed the Eagle at him

Drove through a Beef Curtain

'Cause I'm ranked number one

My tyres are squealing

Through yards of bones and goo

So happy Carma

My windscreen's shattered

I can't see a thing ahead

But all the screams guide me

They've got cars leaving scars, they've got rivers of blood

You'll go right through the window, leave dents in the hood

When you first took my hand on that cold Christmas Eve

You saved me from sadists tearing down Maim Street

You were crazy

You were gritty, Queen of ol' Bleak City

The on-foot plod scattered and yelled "Police! Stop!"

Val Hella was killing at speeds which were thrilling

We carved up the Kutter

And danced on his corpse

And the boys of the BCPD squads rolling in APCs

And alarms went ringing out for casualties

You're a scrub, you're a punk

Your damn Hawk is old junk

Limping along almost mashed 'cause you've run out of cash

Your three-wheeled two seater,

You cheap lousy cheater,

Red Eagle my clit, it's a big pile of shit

And the boys of the BCPD squads rolling in APCs

And alarms went ringing out for casualties

I could have won that race

Well I was in first place

You took my victory

When you killed all those peds

I was inches from the win

I'd done five hundred in

Down to three on the map

And Stella got there first

And the boys of the BCPD squads rolling in APCs

And alarms went ringing out for casualties

FozzieOscar · Post by **FozzieOscar** » Thu Dec 13, 2012 8:17 am

couldn't get the end quite right, but here is is anyway:

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer

Was minding his own business.

When suddenly, out of nowhere,

A red eagle was acting kind of suss.

All of the other reindeer

used to laugh and call him crazy.

there's no way that car would kill him

and that he should stop being a bloody daisy.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve

Sir Damage came to say:

"Rudolph with your nose so bright,

won't you fall under my treads tonight?"

Then all the reindeer mourned him

as they stood around his smear,

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,

you had no chance to shed a tear!

ronxx83 · Post by **ronxx83** » Thu Dec 13, 2012 3:48 pm

I read briefly and there are realy nice once in it.

I also gave it a go. I used Wham - last chrismass.

Here in the Netherlands we hear that song to often.

But here it is..

Last Christmass

Last Christmass

You gave me a car.

It was ugly and brown, I will run you down.

This time.

I added some blades

And it will be something special.

Last Christmass

You gave me a car.

It was ugly and brown, I will run you down.

This time.

I added some blades

And it will be something special

No license and so insane

Better keep your distance.

Or you will be a bloodstain.

Tell me baby.

Don’t be a ped with a stupid head.

I will hit you and soon you are dead. (go to hell)

I drive my car along the street.

To find some ped, they will bleed.

I love it

You now know how insane I am.

Now you are stuck on my blades

It was useless to ran.

Last Christmass

You gave me a car.

It was ugly and brown, I will run you down.

This time.

I added some blades

And it will be something special

Last Christmass

You gave me a car.

It was ugly and brown, I will run you down.

This time.

I added some blades

And it will be something special

Cops all around,

With hatred in their eyes.

I’ll do a cunning stunt.

It’s a nice surprise.

Ah, well, we all gone die

A cop get wasted, by me?

That was truly nice to see

A face on my windshield and evil in my heart

I am a man behind the wheel that tears you all apart.

Now I found my game again, it is called Carmageddon

Last Christmass

You gave me a car.

It was ugly and brown, I did run you down.

Right now.

It has some blades

And it is something special

A face on my windshield and evil in my heart

I am a man behind the wheel that tears you all apart.

It has some blades

And it is something special

My car is so special….

SOOO SPECIAL!!!

ronxx83 · Post by **ronxx83** » Thu Dec 13, 2012 3:52 pm

Maybe you can use those songs to make a very marry Carmachrismass album.

How about that idea......

cr4zyjay · Post by **cr4zyjay** » Thu Dec 13, 2012 5:26 pm

Merry Fridgemas Everyone

Snow is falling, on Fridge Racer lane

Pedestrians out and about, doing jack shit

It's the season, of hit and run and wasting

CARMAGEDDON, anyone?

Time for racing, and wasting

Idiots speeding, everywhere

Time to push them all into brick walls

With my killer, Red Eagle

We're gonna have some wasting tonight

I'm gonna ram you up the arse at 150mph

Plow you down the lane and into cows and a TREE

Blood is dripping, down my windscreen

A cow's head, on my bonnet

While distracted looking at all of that

Screwie smashed me, into smithereens

Once I hit the recover button

I was smashed again into a minefield

I hit one and it blased me into the air, and a wall

And when I landed I took out 4 fat-arse peds with me

Snow is falling, on Fridge Racer lane

Pedestrians out and about, USELESS DICKS!

Oh how it would be so nice, to slaughter them all

With an electro - bastard ray

CARMAGEDDON, anyone!?

CARMAGEDDON, everyone!

Blood is falling, on the road

So slippery, and hard to steer

It's not my fault, that I'm chemically challenged

I just love to, burn peds

CARMAGEDDON, anyone!?

CARMAGEDDON, everyone!

Ohh CARMA-FUKIN-GEDDON, everyone!

-----------------------------------------

Based off Shakin Stevens - Merry Christmas Everyone

http://www.songlyrics.com/shakin-stevens/merry-christmas-everyone-lyrics/

me-onfire · Post by **me-onfire** » Thu Dec 13, 2012 11:03 pm

BADABOOM

ill drop a code for saints row 3 @ steam here ;)

first come first served .. merry x mas :P

done ;)

Valarr · Post by **Valarr** » Sat Dec 15, 2012 2:53 am

Melody: Long time ago...

Long time ago in great britain

Was a small firm called Stainless

Nobby’s boychild, carmageddon

Was born to much dismay

Chorus:

Hark now, hear the governments whine

This game is too obscene

We will not tolerate all this gore

Unless you censor it

When nobby heard these silly complaints

He thought that it was lame

He had to censor this work of art

So all could play the game

Chorus.

Soon after that, we were blessed again

When Stainless made a patch

Carmageddon was back again

And this time without a catch

Spec. chorus:

Hark now, hear, the grannies whine

‘’I was in the war’’

Cunning stunts and splatter bonus

Could we have asked for more?

Valarr · Post by **Valarr** » Sat Dec 15, 2012 3:02 am

Ohnhai wrote:BTW... im not in the comp...... Just wanted to join in the fun :D

Thank god. That was awesome. :P

Celebratory_Jiggly_INALD · Sat Dec 15, 2012 7:49 pm

God help ye fool pedestrians

if you get in my way,

or if you get to close to my

electro-bastard ray.

You're just time bonuses with legs.

What more is there to say?

O-oh splatters of i-innards and gore.

Innards and gore!

O-oh spla-atters of i-innards and gore.

Celebratory_Jiggly_INALD · Sat Dec 15, 2012 8:19 pm

Celebratory_Jiggly_INALD wrote:God help ye fool pedestrians

if you get in my way,

or if you get to close to my

electro-bastard ray.

You're just time bonuses with legs.

What more is there to say?

O-oh splatters of i-innards and gore.

Innards and gore!

O-oh spla-atters of i-innards and gore.

(Hrmmm... more verses are scattering about my grey matter.)

The track was called the Fridge Racer.

The flagman scarcely died

before Ivan the Bastard went

into a spinning slide.

I rammed his arse into a fir

and out the other side.

O-oh splatters of i-innards and gore.

Innards and gore!

O-oh spla-atters of i-innards and gore.

I'd murdered four opponents and

was on the final hunt.

I gifted Madam Scarlett with

my fav'rite cunning stunt.

I shoved her off a cliffside, then I

landed on the (bitch).

O-oh splatters of i-innards and gore.

Innards and gore!

O-oh spla-atters of i-innards and gore.

(Potentially more to follow.)

spacebug · Post by **spacebug** » Sun Dec 16, 2012 7:07 am

Valarr wrote:Long time ago in great britain

Was a small firm called Stainless

Nobby’s boychild, carmageddon

Was born to much dismay

It would be better with "Nobby's brainchild, Carmageddon" :D

brain·child

[breyn-chahyld] Show IPA

noun, plural brain·chil·dren.

a product of one's creative work or thought.

Valarr · Post by **Valarr** » Mon Dec 17, 2012 1:03 am

Good point, though this was by no means an attempt at a masterpiece, and i'm too lazy to change it. :P

Miss L · Post by **Miss L** » Mon Dec 24, 2012 4:24 pm

Stainless Slaughterland (Winter wonderland)

On the startline, tyres glistening

Engines Rev, Are you listening?

A red, bloody sight

Peds killed tonight

Driving in a Carma Slaughterland

Start the laps, hit a pinball

Stop the laps, opt to kill all!

They put up a hell of a fight

Exploding cows through the night

Driving in a splatter wonderland

In the acid we can have a show down

To see the power ups which can be found

They'll say -is he wasted?

We'll say - no man

But we can do the job

With mines around

Later on, we'll conspire

How to set, squads on fire

To kill all the cows

The murderous sounds

Driving in a Stainless Slaughterland

Jon_Butterfield · Post by **Jon_Butterfield** » Tue Dec 25, 2012 10:42 pm

You better watch out,

You better go hide,

You better sprout wings

I’m telling you why

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

He’s seen the red mist,

He’s behind the wheel,

The tyres of the Twister are startin’ to squeal,

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

He sees you on the pavement,

He’s got you in his sights,

He’s steering right towards you,

You’re a deer in his headlights!

With a monster corkscrew on a big monster truck,

Get off the road or you’re bang out of luck!

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

He wants blood on his windscreen,

He loves guts on his grill,

He’s partial to a splatterin’,

And he wants you to stand still!

You better watch out,

You better go hide,

You better sprout wings,

I’m telling you why!

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

Screwie Louie’s coming

Screwie Louie’s coming

Screwie Louie’s coming to town!

panic · Post by **panic** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 10:26 am

on jim reeves - silver bells

Bright headlights, bright headlights

It's christmas time in beaver city

Hear them blurt, BET THAT HURT

Soon they will be outta time

City sidewalks

Empty sidewalks

Dressed in blood and snow

In the air there's

A smell of petrol

Granny screaming

Engines roaring

Kill 'em blow after blow

And on every

Street corner you'll see

Bright headlights, bright headlights

It's christmas time in beaver city

crack-screech-bang, hear them clang

Soon it will be repairing time

Strings of red skidmarks

Even stoplights

Get a bloody red new coat

As the shoppers run home

(for their lives)

Hear the bones crunch

See the corpses bunch

This is carma's big scene

And above all

The bonuses you'll get

No headlights, No headlights

It's christmas time in beaver city

Lost a tire, car's on fire

Soon they will be-

WASTED!

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